It’s been a little while, hello world.

Now spring has sprung, there’s a little pep in peoples steps with the sun finally making its appearance in rainy old England.

Don’t think I had forgotten about this blog. At least not intentionally forgotten about it. Life just happened. Life tends to do that, doesn’t it?

In terms of updates, there have been some. I have landed myself a creative job. Just like all the other post-grads, I’m finally making my way into the world of marketing. Would you believe it?

In all seriousness, it’s pretty cool.

We have a start date for next month and this girl right here – me – will be a full time marketing girly who receives paid holiday leave (I’ve been self-employed for a couple years, best believe the holiday is an exciting benefit for little old me).

It’s been a gruelling effort, I can tell you that. I feel like I’ve been thrown through the rings of fire with these job interviews. Applying night and day for all types of jobs, whether that’s on Indeed, CreativeAccess, Reed, even the companies directly. I’ve had interviews from some strong contenders and told I would make a great addition to their company, but somehow, I kept falling short and someone else managed to snag the job from right under me.

Except for this one. Finally.

It felt like the Universe finally pitied me for crying myself to sleep every night, feeling pretty hopeless. And hopeless was certainly the feeling that was pretty prevalent in my life over the past year.

It’s something I’m pretty sure every post-grad goes through, but rarely does it ever seem to be acknowledged. But it’s so hopelessly lonely and defeating trying to navigate life after graduating. Trying to compete with a hundred other contenders, sometimes more, for that one job opening.

It’s so frustrating every time you get that rejection email, they liked you but it’s just not the right fit at the moment, or someone else has just an ounce more experience than you. And you feel like you deserve it. You worked hard for your degree, maybe even went back and did a Masters to be more knowledgeable, but it still wasn’t enough. Then you catch yourself in the mirror, asking: “What was the point of it all?”

What was the point of going into further education and proving that I could do it, twice over, and to come out with a Master’s as well. Yet no company wants to take me on board and show me the ropes. No company wants to invest in me when I would give it my all to learn.

Recently, I feel as if my desire to learn has been squashed. Squashed by the harsh reality that maybe I am just not enough for my dreams. I was stuck in a role that was only supposed to be a pit-stop to pay for travelling, which I couldn’t even go and do, and have felt myself become less than who I thought I was.

I am a big believer that mindset does a lot for you. And perhaps the situations I have been thrown around in after graduating have just made it that extra bit harder to pull myself out of the sinking hole I’ve been stuck in. But largely it’s the way I’ve felt.

Feeling hopeless, lost, defeated and like it’s pointless takes its toll on you.

You start to view the world a little bit darker, gone was the vibrant colours and vivid sense of purpose, and welcome in the dreary reality that life really does suck.

But I did it. I pulled myself out, somehow, from that hole and got a job.

I haven’t landed my dream job, not even close. That is still something I’m figuring out – hey maybe I’m meant to pursue Human Rights like I thought I would do a few years ago? Or my fantasy novel will be a big hit and have people writing their own fanfics about my characters that I have hidden away on my laptop?

Even though the world is still a little bit grey, there’s a spec of sunlight shining through. And that is my path for now. To try and chase that sunlight and see where it takes me.

We were never supposed to be in one place forever, I know for sure that I don’t want to be someone who can sit still and let life pass me by. I have been paralysed by the fear of not being good enough and have, admittedly, watched life and my dreams move on without me. But now it’s time to reach out and grab a hold of them and take back control.

Hence why we have revived this dusty blog.

(And I now have a new interest in photography so check out my new Insta for some future wanna-be-photographer images.)

Hopefully this has given someone even a smidgen of hope that all is not lost. It took me over a year to move away from a job I had only planned as a pit-stop. Now I’m about to enter the world of Digital Marketing, to learn something new and to see where this path takes me.