As a post-grad, a year out since I donned a cap and gown, did the whole picture extravaganza and got the ‘it’ graduation pic for my Instagram, I am still career searching in this treacherous job market whilst sitting in my bedroom at my parents house. It’s icy out here, folks. And yet I cannot shake this feeling that I am entitled to something.

There is this creeping frustration that I should already be somewhere else. I should be out there, doing something worthy of my degrees. I should be landing my dream job the second I even looked at the advert. I shouldn’t be jumping through a hundred hoops only to fall too short each time. Did I mention that all the hoops are on fire?

I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t be this disheartening everytime a rejection email starts filling up my inbox. It shouldn’t feel this disappointing.

As a girl, I have always had a dream that I was destined for something more. If we even all believe in that destiny kind of idea. But there it was. A feeling. And I was deep in this feeling. The thought of spending the rest of my career days stuck in the same four walls, typing away, never once reaching for the stars fills me with dread. Literal dread.

I know that we all have dreams. That’s the beauty of childhood. We were supposed to be dreamers within this realm of naivety that allowed us to reach for any star because they were never too far away. Then that was all ripped away by the harsh reality of life.

When a six year old, eyes wide with hope, says “I want to be a writer”, you tell them, “You can be anything you want.”

But when a twenty-six year old says it, with a flicker of that same hope, you say, “It’s time to be realistic. Try an office job instead.”

There’s this slap in the face every time I reveal my longing to be doing something more than the office job I landed. It’s a job I am thankful for – it funds the necessities  and gives me experience – but it’s not the job. It’s not my career. It’s not fulfilling in the way I want a job to be.

It was supposed to be a pit-stop job before I went travelling around the world again until I came home, and landed a career job, and moved into my own place. That was the plan.

But life happened. So now my pit-stop job is becoming a bit more long-term. And that terrifies me.

I do feel entitled. I expect to land a dream job, to be in a higher-paying role, to want more for myself. And yes, feeling this way sometimes feels wrong. It does feel wrong to feel entitled to something. There is this earned expectation after the hard work and commitment I dedicated.

I worked hard to get not only my Bachelor’s, but also my Master’s, and yet I’m in a job that requires neither.

I’m stuck in my pit-stop job because the ones I desperately want to be a part of don’t want me.

“I’m sorry, you performed really well in the interview but there was just a better suited candidate” or “I’m sorry you don’t have enough experience” (for an entry level job).

Perhaps I’m selfish by feeling entitled. But I noticed there’s a lot of us out there who are frustrated with the way we are told to work hard for these degrees because it’s supposed to land you in a better job when you leave, but as soon as you put yourself out there and enter the job market… And then? Good luck Charlie.

Now, off I go to search high and low across the internet for a job that will just give me the chance to prove something. I know I’m destined for something more than this. I just need that one chance.

One go and I will run with it.